Белая Стена

You said you are trying.. atempt..
does it mean that there can be kind of succes?

I'm still working on determining whether "to be" or "being" is active in and of itself. I suppose a better description of what I'm doing is attempting to be aware of and engaged with "being" in that moment. So much about "being" is about exchange, discourse, activity be that mental, physical or aural etc. Pressing against this large, blank/white wall, with minimal references in the space that could be interpreted as symbolic (ie. a picture on the wall, a pillow on the bed etc. Things that define the function of the space or connect the action to other spheres of life), it becomes a focused almost meditation. But for me, doing the action, it is more than meditation, or the type of meditation that involves sitting quietly, finding mental calm, or focusing on one idea; there is a physical struggle too that makes me very aware of my physical presence in the moment as well as mental. It is not easy to press your body against a wall like that! It is also a bit absurd, which I like. Absurdity can express so much.
As far as a kind of success? I doubt that one can concentrate one's entire self, be aware of the entire self and consciousness, and understand or see or grasp (whichever word you prefer) it entirely. Our self is constantly changing, it is a process, it is a discourse and an exchange. But aren't the efforts of searching for this presence, understanding our own consciousness, what self expression can be described as?